


the weight

by tchouli



Series: Miss You [4]
Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Character Death, Despair, Grief/Mourning, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Love, M/M, Post-Episode: s05e13, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:15:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21774292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tchouli/pseuds/tchouli
Summary: Set some time after the events ofReturn 0.
Relationships: Harold Finch/John Reese
Series: Miss You [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1738090
Comments: 10
Kudos: 16





	the weight

**Author's Note:**

> could be considered a continuation of ["despair"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17873321)

“Why?” Harold looked in the bathroom mirror, anguish in his face and voice. “Why?” He cried again the word in a whisper of pain. His hands on the sink edge barely kept him upright and tears streamed down his face, hair askew. “Why?” he repeated.

Each day was the same since John’s death. The weight of his grief like a shadow to his physical self hung above his head, a cloud he knew everyone could see. It was crushing him, consuming him. His physical pain was pale in comparison to this sorrow. Harold tightened his grip on the sink. He had to hold on to stop himself from dropping to his knees overwhelmed by despair. The anguish coiled in his stomach and made him want to throw up.

“I’ve tried so hard,” he mouthed soundlessly as more tears ran unhindered down his face. “I miss you so much, John.”

He rested his head on the mirror. The coldness soothed him until he felt steady enough to go back to the bedroom. He looked one last time at his reflection, noting the red eyes and the circles underneath and vacantly echoed “Why?” He straightened and turned, using first the door frame and then his dresser to steady himself as he made his way to his closet.

Picking out John’s favorite of his suits, he dressed and readied himself for the day. He noticed the pallor of his face when checking his appearance in the dresser's mirror. But, he also saw a lightness that had come from the knowledge of what today would bring.

Today was going to be different. He had made that pact with himself. He needed rest, not just physical but also mental. The last few days had been the worst. He kept thinking he saw John in his peripheral vision. Everywhere he went triggered some memory and he wanted to cry. Sometimes he did and had to leave immediately before questions were asked. He knew it was time.

Harold returned to the bathroom. Taking a glass, he filled it with water and then went back to his bed. Seating himself on the edge and setting the glass down, he opened the bottle on the nightstand and shook out the pills. He reached for the glass of water after placing the pills in his mouth. Raising it to his lips, he swallowed

Lying down, he closed his eyes. “I’m coming, John,” he murmured. 

He drifted off surrounded by darkness that, after a time, gradually became brighter. Harold could see a figure approaching. It was John.

“I have been waiting for you, Harold,” John said with his almost smile.

"I’m sorry it took me so long,” Harold replied.

“Don’t you know I will always wait for you?” John said softly. “No matter how long it takes.”

Smiling, they leaned forward and touched their foreheads together. John took Harold’s hand in his, lacing their fingers. His other hand rested at the small of Harold’s back. And as the weight continued to fall away, Harold’s pain was finally gone. He was at peace. He was with John and together they walked away into the light.

~fin~


End file.
